Somewhere in the middle of my first bout of pregnancy, I got so frustrated with the rude, personal comments and questions from strangers that I promised myself if there ever was a round two, I’d just lie a lot.

It turns out, the comments are different this time around. Except, unfortunately, for my personal favorite: “Wow! You’re huge!”

Consider this article sort of a public service announcement on how to talk to a pregnant woman without getting a hormone-fueled tongue lashing, or at least avoid some awkwardness and hurt feelings. I’m aware that we live in a reality television, tell-all, bare-all world, but really people, some things are better left unsaid. Here are a few of them.

Let’s start with something I wish went without saying.

Attention friends, family and strangers at Safeway: No pregnant woman wants to hear how big she looks. Ever. Just trust me on this.

While we’re on the subject, as sure as you might be that all the medical professionals overseeing my pregnancy somehow missed the “rest” of the babies during my ultrasounds, try to refrain from insisting that there’s just “no way” I’m “this big” with “just one baby.” I could start a trust fund if I had a nickel for every time I’ve heard this.

Since weight gain is one of the given and visible delights of pregnancy, I should also warn you that if you insist on knowing exactly how much weight I’ve gained — “No, really, how much?” — ask at your own risk. And for the love of all that is holy, please refrain from asking in front of a group of people.

Also, if I tell you I’m having a boy and you are of the evidently common opinion that I should be having a girl because I already have a boy, please keep your disappointment to yourself. Please avoid offering me unsolicited and unnecessary consolation lines like, “At least he’s healthy,” or, “At least you don’t have to buy anything.”

Since learning I’m the proud prospective mama of Yamhill County’s own Hardy boys, I’ve been surprised at how many times people have asked if I’m disappointed.

Seriously? Isn’t the real blessing of parenting having the opportunity to serve as a 24-7 tour guide as our children, regardless of gender, grow into themselves?

My 2-year-old son seemed to be the only one who didn’t have an opinion on the gender of his future sibling.

Moments before the big ultrasound, I asked Sam if he wanted a brother or a sister. He said: “Lawnmower.”

And finally, no list of pregnancy pet peeves would be complete without this request dating back to preschool: Please keep your hands to yourself.

While there may be a few pregnant women who won’t agree with me on this, I think I speak for most of us when I say we don’t want our stomachs touched any more than you do.

Despite the resemblance, I’m not Buddha incarnate. I can’t grant you good luck in exchange for a belly rub.

Frankly, I would prefer to avoid the awkward moment altogether. If you feel the need to reach out and rub a tummy, at least ask for permission.

I don’t mean to give the impression that it’s safer to just back away slowly when you see a pregnant woman. Just the opposite, actually.

I enjoy talking with strangers and hearing stories about their experiences with pregnancy and parenting. I just thought it might be helpful to share this condensed version of what not to say or touch in case it spares you, or the pregnant woman in line behind you, any awkwardness.

On behalf of those of us waddling around all hormonal until our babies make it safely into the world, thank you for taking this under advisement.

Nathalie Hardy is a local freelance writer who can be found at random hours, taking notes as she walks Sam in his stroller. She invites your feedback — provided it doesn’t include the phrase “unfit mother” — at nathaliesnotes@comcast.net.